Archive for the ‘funnies’ Category

23
Feb

Things to do in an elevator……


1)When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.
(2)Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.(3)Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

(4)Call the Psychic Hot-line from your mobile phone and ask if they know what floor you’re on.

(5)Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day been?”

(6)Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “that’s mine!!”

(7)Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator

(8)Move your desk into the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

(9)Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they’d like to play.

(10)Leave a box in the corner and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.

(11)Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

(12)Ask, “Did you feel that?”

(13)Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

(14)When the doors close, announce to the others, “Its okay. Don’t panic, they open up again”

(15)Swat at flies that don’t exist.

(16)Tell people that you can see their aura

(17)Call out “group hug”, then enforce it.

(18)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!!”

(19)Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask “Got enough air in there?”

(20)Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

(21)Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, “You’re one of them!!” and back away slowly.

(22)Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

(23)Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

(24)Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

(25)Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, “I have new socks on.”

(26)Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, “This is my personal space!”

(27)Fart loudly then exclaim “Not I said the wolf”

(28)Jump up and down then look at the floor and shout “let go you bastard”

(29)Before the elevator door opens shout “DING” and then laugh and say “Beat you again Mr. Elevator.”

(30)Hire a Labrador, wear sunglasses and repeatedly walk into the walls whilst pretending to not hear the other passengers direction.

23
Feb

These are hillarious!!

THESE ARE ACTUAL LETTERS WRITTEN BY PARENTS EXCUSING THEIR CHILDREN FROM SCHOOL :) HAHA

  • Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot.”
  • “Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.”
  • “Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.”
  • “Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.”
  • “John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.”
  • “Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.”
  • “Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.”
  • “Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.”
  • “Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.”
  • “Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.”
  • “Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.”
  • “Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.”
  • “Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.”
  • “Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.”
  • “My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.”
  • “Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.”
  • “Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.”
  • “Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.”
  • “Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.”
  • “Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever, and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.”
just me